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Did I do and say those things?

Mar. 6th, 2011 04:12 am Two words.

Culinary. School.

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Dec. 11th, 2010 12:46 am Commence with the laughter.

I think it's hillarious as fuck when you see your ex's new significant other... and they look like an uglier you.


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Dec. 10th, 2010 11:45 am Yeah, you might as well do something while you're doing nothin'!

I really enjoy that everyone who posts on here still has the same pics they had when LJ was at it's height. It makes LJ feel so much more familiar  and comfortable.

I need to write more. I need to use the forum that I have to express the thousands of ideas that are building up inside my head. It's gotta go somewhere, at least here it is recorded, and has the potential for feedback.

I need to get off my ass. I need to do more things that are good for me, and I need to watch less Judge Mathis. Or at least less People's Court, because Judge Milian sucks.

I need to really believe in myself to achieve the goals I want. There is no point in setting New Years Resolutions, I'm either going to do it, or I'm going to fail. There's absolutely no point in sitting around waiting for a time to start changing.  I am not lazy. I am being lazy. And I can change that.


<3

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Nov. 27th, 2010 11:09 pm Nostalgia...

You forgot me again. How embarassing. Must not have been that crucial to your past. Oh well. Moving on now.

I still can't bring myself to go balls out Kyle... I'm dancing around it, but still working on it. That should count for something. Eventually I'll say everything I ever wanted to, neglecting my fear that it will change everything about the dynamic that  I hold so dearly. I just wish I wasn't such a pussy... I think back to years ago when I fucked it all up in the first place, then I think about the two other times I could have possibly salvaged things... Damn. No really. Damn.

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Nov. 14th, 2010 04:27 am And Go!

A wise friend of mine, once told me, that growing up was when we stopped making the same old mistakes over and over again. WTF. I guess I'm not as grown up as I thought. Damn you.

I found a message on my Myspace, from over 77 weeks ago (it told me) all about what an asshole I was for pursuing a happier situation for myself. Which by that I mean fooling around with his girlfriend. Who professed her love to me. I had just been emotionally run over by a truck, was vulnerable, and yes possibly a tiny bit of a slut. Oh well. I wish I hadn't deleted said message because it would have been just the kind of fodder for LJ. Anyway. This message went on to tell me about how the only reason I continued to do these awful things to the people who were closest to me was because I'd never had to bear the scars. I always had some sort of back up plan, someone waiting in the wings to emotionally rescue me. And I guess, I never realized until very recently that it was true. But it wasn't always that there was someone new waiting to come along. It was Tommy. He was the best friend I could have ever asked for. True we had probably an unhealthy relationship like friendship that left people questioning the real story. But I knew that as long as he was in my corner I was fine.
I came to realize after being gone for over six months, and having the most minimal, me-initiated contact, that what we had once had, that was so precious to me, was not salvageable. I finally accepted that the piece of my life, my most trusted friend, the most incredible ally in the world. Was truly, gone.

Now I sound ungrateful. I do not mean to. For along with the realization that I lost the one person who I knew would let me justify any behavior, get away with more than most friends should, and in general, make an ass of myself time and time again and still forgive me, came something else. The recognition of the others, who, are still here. The people who I still remain connected with. The ones who know me for me, and for better or worse, let me exist. True we are at a distance, but I think the best distance friends could be. Because every time it is possible for me to come and be in Michigan, and in your worlds... it is never an "oh I could do that anytime moment" and truly every second I can spend in your company is incredible. Reminding me of the bonds that never fade.


Cheers.

Current Music: Bottoms Up till We Fall Down

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Nov. 11th, 2010 04:39 pm Woke up, fell out of bed, dragged a comb across my head.

               I get up, I sit around, I go to work, I come home, I sit around, I sleep. There are minor variances in my routine... but no matter how bored I have myself convinced that I am, my follow through sucks. I have thousands of started projects that I will never finish. We used to call this "Zac Bucking" it... now it feels like a Jenn Case special. The thing that sticks with me the most, is those who are now finally coming into their own and growing up and sucking it up and doing what they need to do. So why can't I? Why is going to class so hard for me? I can go to work everyday with minimal resistance... I recognize that a lack of effort causes no forward momentum... so why can't I just put one foot in front of the other, and keep going until I finally accomplish something?

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Nov. 5th, 2010 04:47 pm Here's lookin at you kid

A promise kept. I try to keep my promises. I try to be a good person. Though I’m not always successful at it; but that’s hardly ever intentional. I’m simply a being adrift in life. Just like everyone else. I’ve experienced my loves, and my sorrows. The additions, and the losses, which are never wholly mine to cope with; and leave the stale taste of guilt as I regret those who have slipped away. Whether my fault or not. Then there are the good days, the days in which I realize those who are still shining in the stars of my future. Those who I will never lose. Those who can come in and out with years in between and not have it make a bit of difference. It is the reveling in those connections that I feel more adult than I ever have. The recognition of having the kind of definition and security to my life which means I can clearly chose who I want to keep forever, and who can just go fuck themselves. The true versus the false. The friends versus the acquaintances. The remembered versus the forgotten. And let’s not forget those we need to forget. The connections that plague us because of some now unknown obligation, the ones who hold us in such a light as we feel we need to be the person they expect. We regress into the individual they expect us to be. The standard they’ve set for a person who never existed. Or at least doesn’t anymore.  As we step forward, those who haven’t yet cling to holding us in the past, and some piece of us doesn’t fight it. Some small insignificant piece wishes we could just slide back into that old comfortable, familiar place and curl up in safety and just continue to grow old. I can’t do that. I have to do something more than slip into death’s waiting arms silently. And so I’ve made a promise to myself, to push harder, to work at it, to go for it. And as I’ve said, I try to keep my promises.

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Apr. 10th, 2009 02:17 pm You can be at a party gettin loose, but you can catch a bullet in your goose....

Yeah, so for the sake of being thorough...

  Anytime after 10, party here tonight. Byob, beer pong table in the basement, also probably a little bit of a fire in the back yard providing it doesn't get ass cold tonight.


   So, yeah, Hey, Come party.


  XOXOX~ Jenn

Current Music: Not Mack 10

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Apr. 4th, 2009 11:27 am Where's your head at?

     So last night, although a slow starter, was an awesome party! I at least had a sweet time, and the house was in pretty good shape this morning so all the better. I'm working on a new Beer Pong table, 'cause that one's kinda shitty, warped, and short so hopefully I can work something out with that before the next event.
     Last night reminded me of a really good Willy party... which in turn reminds me that in less than a year I will be having those kinds of parties with the actual Willys! So yeah anyway, my head's killing me, and I really hope I wasn't the only one drinking the wine 'cause if so I drank damn near half a gallon. Either way... Hah.
    Oh, and the best part of the evening was during my heart to heart with Keeton where he pointed out the fact that I'm getting to once again be more like my high school self, which I would have to say was probably my most genuine and honest. It was touching to know someone else sees that I'm happy again :) Truly I feel more like myself than I have in years... I kinda forgot what it's like to actually enjoy my life for a little while there... wow, thank god that's over.

Current Music: Basement Jaxx

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Mar. 27th, 2009 03:40 pm Well, time slips away, and leaves you with nothing Mister, but boring stories of...

So yeah. November 1. I'm moving to Savannah. That is all. But before I go, I intend on having the most spectacular summer ever. So hit me up. Everyone. I'm making my lasting memories of this place during the summer of '09. Join me :)

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